Along the lines of Katie's recent entry, I too got to say goodbye to Indiana recently. Now, I moved away from Indiana more than a year ago, but until last weekend I felt that it was still my home. After all, my heart was still there, and when I traveled back every month to visit Leland and his family, I learned more and more about the non-student part of town. It was still my home.

Last weekend we went back for Father's Day. There was lots of tasty food and laughter and drinking, as there always is with Leland's family. I am so lucky - if I were religious I would say blessed - to be a member of a family like that. A family that is actually functional, who loves each other and enjoys spending time together. Like my family. Leland's father had promised to take us up in the Sutton tower, and he delivered. We really weren't supposed to be up there, and it was magnificent.

It was raining very lightly, and the air was clean and smelled fresh. We were sheltered by the roof of the belltower. From up there you can see all of Indiana, and understand how small it actually is, nestled in the surrounding hills. Most of the time we were in the tower, I watched the wreckers destroy Esch. Leland pointed out the window that was his as an incoming freshman, now with the window ripped out. I imagined him as a freshman just starting college and recalled my own freshman year. So many emotions and experiences I hadn't yet felt.

Watching the destruction and looking out on the cars as they moved through the streets, I felt such a wave of affection for the town. I am really gone now. We'll go out to visit once in a while, but my life is here now, complete and whole and just waiting to take off. It was a fitting goodbye to the town where I really became an adult, but as we left the tower I wasn't sad, but hopeful that I'll find other towns to love, new places, new homes.

On Monday we found out that Leland's sister Jessica is pregnant for the first time. She's the first person I've ever been close to who became pregnant on purpose! I can't wait to play with the baby - I'm going to be an aunt!

Oh those crazy Lepidoptera

I'm currently reading a book called "Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity" by Bruce Bagemihl. Most of the information in it is really interesting, although I don't agree that all the behavior the author describes as homosexual actually is.  "Pair bonding", for example. He definately includes instances of same sex "pair bonding" where there is no evidence of sexual activity between the two animals. Maybe this is a homosexual pair bond similar to a male-female pair bond, but we don't know that for sure. Maybe they're just friends. I know that sounds ridiculous, but if you can't prove something for sure, you can't claim it. That's how science works. And there are homosexual pair bonded couples that are definately also sexual partners, particularly in birds.

Secondly, Bagemihl gets a little carried away with the primate sexuality section. He tried to link homosexual behavior to language and to tool use. Apparantly bonobos have a whole bunch of gestures that mean "come here so I can do you". Also, primates masturbate with sticks. Who knew? But all Bagemihl proves is that sexuality may be linked to language and tool use, not homosexuality in general (as he clearly intends to argue).

Finally, the writing gets very repeatitive because Bagemihl feels the need to include every example of every gay animal he can find for every circumstance. And there are a LOT of gay animals doing gay things. In species you wouldn't expect, such as water buffalo and manatees and parrots. So each sentance becomes: and these gay animals do these gay things and so do these and these other animals are also very gay and gay things happen gay gay all the animals are gay.

However, there is also a section on the historical attitudes of scientists to homosexuality in animals, and that is just as revealing as you would expect. What I didn't expect was how recent the negative quotes would be! He has quotes from 1997 in there (the book was published in 1999). It's all the normal stuff about perversion and unnatural behavior (which is sort of ironic), and how partners are "forced" into homosexual encounters either by being in an all-male or all-female group without access to the other sex, or literally how they are raped by gay animals.

My hands-down favorite, however, is from a piece by W.J. Tennent in 1987 titled "A note on the apparent lowering of moral standarts in the Lepidoptera". There's an entirely random statement in the paper. "It is a sad sign of our times that the National newspapers are all too often packed with the lurid details of declining moral standards and of horrific sexual offences committed by our fellow Homo sapiens; perhaps it is also a sign of the times that the entomological literature appears of late to be heading in a similar direction."

Lepidoptera are butterflies.

Declining moral standards in butterflies.

HA! Genius. Give that man a prize.

M is for Misogynism

Leland told me yesterday that he wants to go to grad school in Fall 2010. It's only taken two weeks of working at this job for him to discover that. Because he wants to study maritime archaeology, that means we'll be moving near the coast - probably East Carolina University in North Carolina. I've always wanted to live near the coast, and I'm pleased that we won't be staying in Ohio forever.

However, I'm hearing some annoying things about Leland's co-workers (my future co-workers in about a week, as you'll recall). They're all very conservative, and gossip about each other constantly whenever anyone leaves the office. There's only five people working for the company, including Leland and the guy who owns the company, and they're all men. Yesterday on the way home from the field they actually listened to Rush Limbaugh, and not ironically.

Ok, so I can deal with rednecks, I can handle conservatives. Even people who are slightly racist and/or homophobic. But they also seem to be misogynists. Perhaps this sounds a little self-serving (because it is), but neither racism nor homophobia really will affect how they see me or view my work. Not that I applaud those mindsets, but I don't have to like them, I just have to get along with them for 30 or so hours per week.

However, if my work is going to automatically be judged inferior because somebody has made some poor relationship choices and believes that all women are crazy, that's not fair. And I've been warned that I probably won't get very much field work, and if I do it'll be very easy, surface collecting types of things. Because little, fragile things like me obviously can't handle a shovel fast enough to do test pits. I'll probably break a nail, get tired, and go sit in the shade for the rest of the day. Because I have a vagina.

Women aren't as strong as men. That's not really up for debate, and if I was trapped in a burning building I'd definately rather see a big male firefighter coming up the stairs than a woman my size who may not be able to carry me out. We're not talking about that kind of strength, though. We're talking about digging holes in the ground. I am tough - a lot tougher than I think I'll get credit for. I spent all last summer walking over rough country and I kept up, I didn't complain. When I needed to use a shovel I worked quickly. It might take me a couple days to build up some calluses, but I know I can work as fast as any of these guys. This is not a job that is beyond a woman's physical strength.

Leland told me that the other day all the guys were in the field together, and the big highlight of the day was that a female ODOT (Ohio Dept of Transportation) employee was coming out to the site. The whole morning all the conversation was about if she'd be cute (she's new to the position and I guess they hadn't met her before) and if she'd be capable.  The entire afternoon (after the woman left) all conversation was focused on her physical flaws and her inadequacy in performing her job. Besides the comments about her performance (which of course I can't judge since I wasn't there) all women secretly dread that this is happening to them, that right after they leave a room all the men start talking about how they're fat or have a big nose or too-small breasts. That appearance is so important, even in a job where you are outside, in the dirt, sweating, and wearing a reflective orange ODOT vest to boot. Even Jessica Alba wouldn't be hot in those conditions - except in a temperature sense.

All women secretly dread that everyone notices all their flaws and talks about them. But the logical majority in our heads tells us not to be silly, that most people don't really notice or care about that pimple. It's sort of a nightmare to realize that these people do actually exist. And I get to work with them. Oh goody.

Leland is of the opinion that a lot of what these guys say is posturing - they've created a tough-guy work persona and it's now become self feeding. He says that to a certain extent he plays right along with them, making the same kinds of jokes. It'll be interesting to see how the office dynamic changes when I'm there. Since it's a temporary job I have no interest in trying to change anyone's opinion on how women can work (it's probably a lost cause anyway). Maybe I'll never hear anything at work that'll make me angry or uncomfortable. Or maybe I'll get to chalk it up to life experience.

East vs West

This is the best description of a midwesterner coming to the east coast I've ever read. From "Shoeless Joe", by W.P. Kinsella (the book that the Kevin Costner movie Field of Dreams was based on). The main character has traveled from Iowa to Vermont:

"This land is foreign to me. The hills are blanketed with trees and foliage. I am used to being able to see for miles in any direction, and, if I'm able to find a hill, being able to count the houses on nearby quarter-sections. I grew up in Montana under the Big Sky, where the landscape outruns the vision. Here, I am surrounded. The sky is clear, with a rumble of clouds on the horizon. I walk into the woods - oak, maple, white birch, conifer, poplar, the ground clothes in green crawling vines decorated with tiny purple flowers. Acorns cover the ground like pebbles. The trees are a golden-green; spring bristles all around me. There is more rock than I imagined, although the mountains, compared to the real mountains of the West, are only green hills."

I love this book.

Lots of stuff has happened since my last entry. Leland moved in officially a week and a half ago, and we've been pretty happily cohabitating since then. He started work last week. It's definately not a forever job, but it's fine for now. And he has health insurance again! I won't have health insurance until September.

I'm finishing up the last tasks of the quarter, just have one more paper to write and a final to do. Which I should be working on now, but can't drag myself away from the tv. I'm starting work in 2 weeks at the same place Leland's working, which will bring the total number of people working for that firm up to 6. Yes, counting me. All the guys there get along with Leland really well, although he said he's the most liberal one there.

I went for my first road run this morning. My shitty cheap pedometer claimed I'd only gone 1.6 miles, which depressed me a lot, but according to google maps it was more like 2.6 miles. Cheered me up a little bit. It's amazing how much more difficult it is to run on the road compared to on a treadmill.

I made another strawberry rhubarb pie last week, because whenever I make something new Leland immediately requests it again. His mom doesn't really bake so everything I make is like a revelation. My bread improves every week I make it - so good! This week I'm making a peach upside-down cake and crusty french bread for french onion soup next saturday. We eat pretty good for being on a budget.

And that's it.